Episode 179: Instructional Self-Talk
Dr. Chelsea: Welcome to Passion for Dance. I'm Dr. Chelsea, and my mission is to help make happier, more successful dancers through positive mental skills. And today, I want to talk about self-talk. That voice in your head that tells you, “I've got this,” or “Stay focused.” Sometimes that little voice is not always so encouraging, and common advice is just to tell yourself, “I've got this,” and basically talk yourself into a good mood.
Well, that doesn't always work. Sometimes it feels disingenuous or fake, and you don't believe yourself. So what do you do when positive self-talk or saying those positive affirmations feels fake? I'll explain why it doesn't always work and what to do instead.
Before I dive in, if you're new to the show, first, welcome! I know it might be a little overwhelming to know which episodes to listen to. There's a huge back catalog of advice and help that might be right for you. You can always go back to the beginning and binge listen, of course, but I know we don't have a single spare minute in our days. So to help you decide where to start, I have a short, five-question quiz. It'll tell you which episodes will help you with whatever is going on right now. Kind of like a personality quiz, but after a few quick questions, you'll get a curated podcast list with the top five episodes that will help you most right now.
Maybe you need some motivation or inspiration. Maybe your dancers need something to listen to for help, or maybe you're looking for help with confidence. Whatever support you need, take the short quiz and find out. It's at www.chelseapierotti.com/podcastquiz to get started. That's www.chelseapierotti.com/podcastquiz. Click the link in the show notes right below where you're listening now. Thank you for being here. I'm happy to have you as a part of this community.
All right, let's talk about self-talk and when positive affirmations feel fake!
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Hi, I'm Dr. Chelsea, a former professional dancer and mental performance coach. I know what it feels like to be a passionate dance teacher who cares about your dancers, but you want to challenge them and help them be their best, and I also recognize that some traditions and teaching practices in the dance world are harmful. So I'm on a mission to change our dance industry by creating happier, more successful dancers using positive mental skills.
When you understand how to help your dancers with their confidence, how to find their own motivation, work together as a team and more, your dancers will unlock new levels of competitive success and happiness. And it's not just about them; you deserve the same. So we'll talk about how dance teachers can use positive mental skills to be more confident, resilient, and motivated as well.
Be sure to hit “subscribe” wherever you listen to podcasts. There are new episodes every Thursday, and each week you'll hear from me and my guests with advice and actionable tips for building mental toughness, covering topics about mindset, motivation, resilience, and building a community. Passion for Dance is a show designed to help dance educators like you have a positive impact on every dancer you teach.
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Self-talk is exactly what it sounds like, the voice inside your head, and it can be encouraging and supportive, and sometimes it can be mean and unhelpful. I hear from dancers all the time that they say some pretty mean things to themselves that they would never say out loud or to a friend, but for some reason we can be really nasty to ourselves. We get caught in negative spirals where we berate ourselves for our mistake or just convince ourselves that, “I'll never be good enough. I'll never be able to compete with her, so what's the point?”
The Three Types of Self-Talk – 3:34
Before we talk about how to handle negative self-talk, I want to point out that there are actually three different kinds of self-talk – positive and negative but there's a third.
So positive self-talk is when you're encouraging and supportive. “I've got this. I'm strong. I'm ready.” Positive affirmations are a type of positive self-talk and can be very helpful.
There's also negative self-talk where you're talking down to yourself, getting in your own way. A lot of times we call that getting in your head when negative self-talk is taking over and making it hard to practice or perform.
But there's also a third type of self-talk called instructional self-talk. That's when you're like your own coach in your head. You might say to yourself, “This is hard, but I can do hard things. Just focus on my passé leg. Use the hamstring, snap it up.” Instructional self-talk is giving yourself that teacher point of view, the how-to of what you should focus on.
Now, generic positive self-talk like, “I've got this. I'm ready,” it can be great. Giving yourself a little pep talk before you take the stage has been shown to boost confidence, keep you focused on the good and being excited to perform. It can squash nerves and really help you be your best. However, I've heard from many dancers in my work that when they try to tell themselves, “I've got this,” backstage, the next thought is, “No, I don't. Who am I kidding?” They don't believe themselves, so the generic, positive self-talk feels fake, and if that's true for you, if it isn't helping you feel confident and ready to perform, you probably need a new strategy.
Instructional Self-Talk Strategy – 5:07
Now, I would love for every dancer to believe in themselves when they use positive self-talk. That's the goal. But that takes a lot of training. So while you work on that training, and are not yet able to use it, here's a strategy to use in the meantime.
If you find yourself in a key moment where your negative self-talk isn't helping, either backstage before going on or when you're practicing a skill and getting frustrated, try to shift to instructional self-talk. Again, instructional self-talk is like being your own coach. So this is best for dancers who have moderate to advanced training and they know what kind of cues would help them.
If you find yourself panicking backstage about your turn section coming up in that routine, you want to focus your self-talk on a physical cue that you know will help you turn. For example, maybe you know your turns are great in practice when you focus on your prep and don't get ahead of yourself. So when you notice the negative self-talk backstage, you replace it with, “I can do this. I've prepared. Plié and breathe on eight. When I give myself a solid prep, I've got this.” You're turning your focus to something in your control that will help you execute the skill. It's about adding a little positive self-talk and the reminder that you are prepared but also reminding yourself of the physical cue that will help you when the turn section comes up. Be your own teacher and remind yourself what to focus on, interrupt the negative with something that will truly help.
It's also really important during practice when you're feeling frustrated with yourself. Maybe you've been trying to get an advanced turn for months and every time you practice, you get upset at yourself and the negative self-talk starts. If you truly can't do the skill yet, the generic positive self-talk probably won't help. So instead, say something like, “I will get this. Focus on squaring my shoulders in the prep. Don't rush it.” Use cues that are clear and easy to remember, short phrases, one or two words. It's all about bringing your attention back to your body, the muscles you want to engage, the timing you're working on.
When you keep practicing a skill over and over without intention to what you want to improve, nothing will change, you're just going to get frustrated, the negative self-talk spiral gets worse. So change your self-talk to be instructional and focus on the actual skill and your body with some positive reminders that skills take time. “Take a deep breath. I'll get this.” You want to use your self-talk to provide concrete steps. Focus on the process rather than just, “Ah, I can't do it. I can't do it.” It's not about the outcome.
When a trick is challenging you, try something like, “Deep breath. What do I need to focus on this time? Last attempt, I didn't use my back. This time, I'm gonna focus on engaging my back. I can do this. Deep breath. Squeeze on eight.” Go back to your body. Talk to yourself about what you need to do on the next attempt. Don't just throw the skill over and over again. Interrupt the negative self-talk with a direction that will truly help you, take a deep breath, and go again.
Discover Cues That Are Personal To You – 8:07
You also want to develop cues that are personal to you. So dancers, if you're not sure, talk to your teachers. They probably have a good idea of what to focus on that will help you. And in general, there are three instructional areas to focus on. All of them could be helpful. So play around with what helps you in different situations.
You can focus on breathing. Simply remembering to breathe can make a huge difference. That could mean breathe out in a prep, it could mean essentially choreographing your breath through a section of the routine that has really challenging musicality. You can also focus a cue on body positioning like, “Bend my knees more,” or “Arms hit an L.” You can also focus on movement mechanics that are something like, you know, “Extend all the way through my fingers, big arch around.”
Any of those cues, breathing, body positioning, mechanics can help you replace the negative self-talk with something instructional and helpful. So choose something that will help you execute the skill you're worried about. Interrupt the negative with a concrete action to focus on.
Regularly Practice Instructional Self-Talk – 9:14
In order to implement this instructional self-talk so that it really helps you. You have to practice it regularly. It won't help you backstage if you've never tried it before. So just like you practice dance technique, practice positive instructional self-talk every time you're in the studio. It will take a lot of regular practice, and you especially want to practice it in times when you're not that stressed. If you get good at it there, you'll be able to use it when you are more stressed, like a competition or an audition. The more you practice, the more those cues become automatic.
Dancers, have you ever found yourself hearing your coach or your teacher in your head when it comes time to perform, like you can hear them coaching in your head? It's because they've said the same thing over and over and over. That's what you're trying to do for yourself. You want to make it automatic that before your turn section you think, “Breathe and squeeze,” and not allow yourself to think, “Don't fall! Don't fall!” Practice that helpful instructional self-talk every time you drill the skill. That becomes the norm. Eventually, you'll do it so automatically that after a while you probably don't need it at all, and the positive self-talk of, “I've got this,” will be completely believable and encouraging.
Keep Instructional Self-Talk Simple – 10:27
One warning before I wrap up about using instructional self-talk: you want to keep it simple. Don't use too many cues at once.
Think of when you're trying to train your turns. If you tried to think of every possible cue that goes into a pirouette before every time you tried it, you'd have way too much going on in your head. You'd probably execute none of it. Instead, you keep it simple and short. Same thing with this instructional self-talk. A few words, one phrase, and you repeat it. Especially times when you're backstage, think of one or two phrases that will help you and just repeat those over and over and over. It's about interrupting the negative self-talk and staying in control. Repeating a simple mantra could help, so don't overcomplicate it by trying to give yourself this whole instructional speech backstage. Short and sweet and repeat.
Okay, to wrap this up, positive self-talk is wonderful. I hope you continue to try it and practice it and get to a place where you believe it. But if positive self-talk feels fake, try to use instructional self-talk instead. Use short, simple cues about your breath, your body placement, or to keep your mind focused on the things in your control and how you want to execute. I encourage you to experiment with this for yourself. It might take time to figure out what cues work best for you, and once you find that cue, it will take a lot of practice and repetition to see the true benefits. Just like training dance skills, the mental skills will take time. But the good news is you're probably going to practice and drill your skills anyway, so just add the instructional self-talk every time you do it, and you'll really see a shift in no time.
I truly hope this helped. If you have a dancer in your life who you know struggles with negative self-talk, please share this with them. I want every dancer to feel happier and more successful onstage. Thank you for listening, and keep sharing your passion for dance with the world!
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Thank you for listening to Passion for Dance! You can find all episode resources at www.chelseapierotti.com/podcast, and be sure to follow me on Instagram for more high-performance tips at @dr.chelsea.pierotti. This podcast is for passionate dance teachers and coaches who are ready to change the dance industry by creating happier, more successful dancers. I'm Dr. Chelsea and keep sharing your passion for dance with the world.
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